The Stars will cry.....

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 09:39:27 GMT

I come to this damn website on a weekly basis yet i haven't actually touched base with it in over a year. i just simply forgot to write in or was just scared that some douche bag would read this and get me fired but oh well, im over that shit.

this years been interesting.

got into a car wreck and hurt my body. a lot. i was in bed for 2 months and wanted to do something cooler than lay in a bed every minute of the day. now i realize that my back will never be the same even though i lie and say "i'm fine, i'm fine." but during those 2 months of being bed ridden i found out who my true amigos are and none of you mother fuckers are so why don't you do yourself a favor and delete the hell out of me? yeah, i said that. the only exception is lyma cause she visited me while i was on rest and shes a dope ass girl for that.

since then i say to myself i want more i want more. yet i havent really done much to give myself more which is cool cause one of these days ill get punched in the face and ill get more.

since may we've been going to the lake and riding the shit out of those wakes. also i'm one of the tannest mother fuckers i know right now and everyone points at me and says, "whoa, shes one tan bitch"

also when we're not at the lake (we go 5 days a week unless the weather is gnarly) we're riding. we use to ride everyday and then i hurt my knee and got a job at the gap. i must have gone through some late teen crisis for me to think that i should stop riding. so we're at it again and we're more crazy than ever before.

espn has been my friend for the past month. x-games was off the hook. travis did some gnarly shit and right on to that double back flip. i almost peed myself when i saw that shit. and even though im not into skating i gotta give props to shaun white for attempting that 1080 even though he didn't break history or nothing i still thought it was amazing that he didn't just give up.

since the x-games is over i still watch espn just not as much....so i have room for more amigos. why don't you give me a call and tell me you love me or something? no? just a thought.

uhh also i have been looking for a truck for like the past month but my dad just sent me a brutal email stating he'd rather have me drive a smaller car for safety reasons. the main reason why i even wanted a truck was so i wouldn't die the next time i crashed my car since the last time i basically should have died. oh well. i guess i cant get everything...even with my own money. fuckers.

oh and im basically single. ive been talking to this one fool we all went to high school with but id rather keep his name to myself considering how much i use to pick on the fool. oh well shit happens. who even knows what will happen with this dude. hah

im gonna stop this slighty toasted lj post before i spill my guts and write something i shouldn't write. like steves girlfriend has a big vagina or something. i dont know.

i might update this more often but i might not. we'll see. hope all you bitches are doing well. oh and one more thing...

Jeremy Carter R.I.P buddy you were one of the nicest dudes that rides. Seriously we all miss you. Everything about you was awesome and unique. You did more in 29 years than most people can do in 100.

April 18, 1977 - July 4, 2006

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 09:43:05 GMT

"Your mom is an astronaut!"

um what the fuck does that mean?

Ryun and I were talking about it tonight. I don't remember this but when we were kids we would say to other kids "your mom's an astronaut" like those lame your mom jokes...or should i say "yo mama" but yah I need an answer cause its been fucking with me. I googled it and came up with a bunch of idiots saying "your moms an astronaut!" and others laughed till they cried....so please help me out!

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 11:42:16 GMT

I bit all my nails off due to boredom. and I'm late. I saw Wedding Crashers for the first time tonight. It was "aiight" and I asked Richard if hes gay. I look like a fucking asshole, but I got a laugh out of it. I'll update later. Promise.

the big red and white sign was posted right in front of all my childhood memories.

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 11:20:36 GMT

and we drove by and saw the big red and white sign that read "For Sale" It was done with paint. Like my father had done it himself. even the sign was done homemade. Everything about that place was done from the heart. Even the sign that they're trying to sell the house with. The numbers of the house that represent the street address isn't all there. The 4 fell off years ago when Carly and I put the christmas icicles up. The garage door is still the same ghetto door that we had when we first walked into that house 15 years ago. The front door has black marks up and down on it from all the times a soccer ball hit it or a soccer cleat hit it or even just shoes.

When you walk inside you look at the rug and see every stain and i remember the ones i made and the ones someone else made and can't help but smile. Then you look at the pink carpet and i remember being a little girl excited about the ugly brown carpet being replaced for the pretty pink..because thats the color i had on all my dolls.

I remember Angelo coming home from the hospital into his new home. Not knowing whether he would grow up in the house or in another home. I remember changing his diapers and kissing his tiny cheeks knowing that he was my little brother was quite enough back then.

I remember fighting with Julian about something pointless and him throwing a rock at the window and cracking it. He got into a lot of trouble and over the years all of us eventually broke a window. I did. Angelo did. Julian did. and even my dad.

I remember on every first day of school my mom would get us in front of the door and take a picture of us dressed up in our new back to school clothes with our new back to school backpacks and lunchboxes...and I remember the day before school. We would get our school supplies and get them prepared for the next day and even pick out our outfits while mommy was at work and daddy was on the computer. I remember the time I had to go to another school. Middle school and I remember being terribly scared to walk in.

I remember hanging out on that street. I remember then that I thought my house looked the most ghetto of them all. and I remember back then I wouldn't have minded moving into a different house. A bigger house. A better house. I wanted to be away from all the kids. I don't really know why. My childhood would have been so different if I didn't grow up around the Wagners, or the Stouts, or even Annie Rebintich (i know the spelling is wrong) I know that if I moved so long ago I would have never met Marcus or Chad or discovered what a school crush is really like with Mark Morrison. I would have never met Carly who is now family to me and I can't even picture what my life would be like without her in it. I would have never got to experience what its like to have a friend that actually cares and people that were there for me till the end. The kids that grew up on that street eventually moved out whether it was for college or because their parents moved out and now it's my turn.

When I drive past that street now I look at every corner and see a memory. When I look at the sidewalks I see Carly and I walking down the street laughing our heads off or being terribly nervous because of the boys we "loved" When I look at Carly's house I picture a trampoline in front of the house and a bunch of children jumping on it until they can't jump anymore. When I hear a child on a mo ped now I think of the days when the boys we grew up with did all that and how some of them still do it.

For every detail on Ashbrook Place I remember some kind of memorie whether it be beautiful or painful to think of. When I drive down Enterprise I picture turning the corner onto Ashbrook and seeing all kinds of memories pass me by even adult ones like Jared and I holding hands down the street or fireworks on the 4th of july with all the "hott" neighbors. I think of every beautiful thing that happened on Ashbrook and that house I grew up in. I know that adult world is entering my life slowly and I need to learn how to take the responsibilities and one of them is moving out of my childhood home. That home and street will always be a part of me and I'll always remember it when people ask me about my childhood but I need to start taking the responsibilities of a boring adult.

But I will always miss my childhood home.

Goodbye Ashbrook Place.

the most beautiful thing in this world

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 12:06:04 GMT

well. wow. yeah. haha. ever since 6am saturday morning i've been glowing. I'm like a new woman. a changed woman. Didn't wear an ounce of makeup today and my hair was a mess but people were complimenting that they have never seen me look more beautiful. isn't that weird? the truth is...I was glowing. I've never been happier and people could tell minus the tired eye look. It was amazing. I didn't think it would be as good as that. Honest. It's almost like a part of me is missing. A part that no one will miss cause everything around me seems to feel so damn beautiful. so sexy. it's like a dream only I'm not asleep and I'm not day dreaming in class either. I'm really enjoying the next few steps. I've never been this stinkin happy and it's only the beginning.

the Jared Jones socks collection.

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 06:55:20 GMT

It's work time. I'm sick. I'm hungry. I want to go home. Blah. and it's busy and not even my shift I'm working.

Amy: These are the BEST socks. They're so comfortable!
Cynthia: Not uh.
Amy: then which socks are the best?
Cynthia: Jared Jones socks.
Amy: Uhh...what's that?
Cynthia: Jared Jones socks. They're the most comfortable socks ever.
Amy: Is it like...a collection?
Cynthia: Sure...the Jared Jones socks collection. They're the best!
Amy: Um...probably just to you.

"I've got a collection of memories and Jared Jones socks are one of the most fondest of them all."

~Cynthia Soro.

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 07:29:33 GMT

So last night Paul had a kickback and I'm like...okay I'll go. I know I never go to that type of stuff.

Well...I got pretty trashed. I took my girls with me. Hazel and Carly..aww they looked so cute!

Some of Paul's friends were there that I've never even met before but yahhh one of them Matt was like all over me and it bothered me. A LOT! Apparently he tried to do something with Hazel but I don't know the story.

Well anyone that knows me knows that when I have a few drinks...knows when I do. Because I call you and if you don't answer I do leave a message. A LONG MESSAGE!

I left a message on Jared's voice mail. His mommy is in town! :) and he went to hang out with her so I knew I probably wouldn't see him. Yah lame lame voice message. wanna know how I know? He made me listen to it when we woke up this morning. OMG! I'm so dumb haha. It was also the longest message in the world of messages. He calls me back at like 2:30 am. People are like leaving the party lol. Hes like I wanna come. :) So he does...and Paul meets him along with Daniel and most of Paul's friends. I've never looked so happy in my life to be with a person. He took care of me. and after I was taken care of I took care of him. I wanted him to get his sleep. I let him have the couch and I slept in his arms. Hes so cute when he sleeps. Well...most of the time. It's become one of my favorite things to do...watch Jared sleep. Hes incredible. Paul thinks I'm in love with him...I don't know what it is but when I'm with him I'm living and when I'm not I'm non-existant until I fall into his warm loving arms. When he kisses me I feel like I need to hold onto something or I'll float up to the sky...and when he touches me he takes my breath away. It's weird...I've never had this. I no longer have insomnia like my old days and my old ways of booze and depression. But...I find it extremely hard for me to sleep at night when it's just me in my bed...and not with Jared. It becomes a battle for me to get my sleep without him...and that's why tonight I'm thankful that hes here with me...because I need my sleep. hehe. I hope Paul likes him. I hope Carly likes him. I hope Leah and Chris like him...and when all of my other friends and parents and brothers meet him...I hope they like him too. Because I like him and he makes me feel like I'm on top of this world. Oh hes great. I'm stoked about this part of my life. :) I want to feel like this forever.

It's only 11:30 and I'm already tired. I wanna fall asleep in your arms. It's one of the coldest nights in this house and I feel so warm laying with you. Goodnight. :)

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 08:15:05 GMT

so...he liked his valentine and im glad. :)

he was kinda like...uhh what are you doing giving me my socks back? did they smell that baddddddddd? but no dude...he said it was sweet. it made my night.

i was hungry before we talked...and now im not. well...i dunno. i like him.

happy valentines day.

Valentine's Day Ideas...I Need help people! If you read this...HELPPPP!

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 10:59:16 GMT

Valentine's day. I need ideas people! IDEAS!!! arggg!

HELP ME! I need Valentine's day ideas...

I'm trying to figure out this Valentine's Day thing....and well would it be cute if...Okay. lol. Sorry. I'm so lame. and I've never made a guy anything for Valentine's day. so here goes.

K he made me put his socks on because they're the most comfortable socks in the world...and I went home in them.

If I washed the shit out of those things...and made them like super white (they look really dirty right now from the zoo and the rain haha) and than like you know how when you buy socks they have the paper thing over them that says like "Socks" blah blah blah. Yah that thing. Well would it be cute if like I got a red piece of paper and made it thin...and a pink one too and like pasted the two together so that it's like all valentine ish...and wrote on it...

"These are the most comfortable socks" - Jared Jones. and than made a bunch of cute detail....llike <3's and XOXO's? and than wrote "These socks are only comfortable because there yours. <3" - Cynthia Soro.

and than when we were sleeping he started talking and he rolled over like on top of me and said really loud, "14 million dollars YAAAAAY BABY!" haha and I told him about it. Well.... like would it be cute if I got either a frame or a plastic cover thingy and put 14 dollars in it and than wrote in cute font..."I may not have 14 million dollar for you but I DO have 14 dollars that you can have and my heart..." would that be cute? I don't know.

and than he gave me his chapstick and I want to do something with that. But I'm not sure what just yet.

and when we were in his car he broke his cd haha and gave me a chip of it...and I might do something with that too.

and maybe just maybe put 7 dollars in there for the zoo ticket. and write something cute about the zoo.

and than put it in a super cute box...like the box i keep my quotes in or something. it's basically the pink victoria's secret gift box. but yahhhh. i wanna know if it would be cute and i want opinions. so help a chicky out.

I don't know. I need help guys! so...HELP!

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 21:56:41 GMT

So right now...I'm in the library at school. I didn't feel like going to Astronomy. That's weird...cause even though that class is boring...I enjoy it. Cause I'm stranger than a mother bear.

Anyway...I've been good. I've actually been great.

I didn't know how this Jared thing would be like...but it's turning out to be pretty cool. It's awesome because I've never really had a boyfriend or a person that had strong feelings for me...like care so much. And it's weird. like he cares about me ALOT. and remembers things that I want him to remember. I've always wanted a guy to remember the little things about me. Because anyone can remember the big things in someones life...but the little things. that's awesome. and I really love how he can memorize my WHOLE name (which is the dictionary of names by the way) and like...not remember his brothers birthday. I love how he can remember that I have a little freckle right under my chin and not remember his own mother's phone number. I love how he doesn't want to show me off to the world...like I'm his trophy bitch like all the other lame guys did. and I love how when we're in public I'm the only person he notices. I'm the only person he seems to really pay attention too and he has the option to look at whoever he wants and to talk to whoever he wants...but he doesn't. I love how he gives me 110 % of Jared when I'm with him. I love how he remembers the smallest things about me. Like I don't like coffee or tea in the morning. and I don't want him to give me a necklace for valentines day...but he insists on it anyway. I really like him. A LOT. Hes whoa. I don't know.

Haha so last night we went to bed...and we were passed out by 2. He had to get up in like 3 hours to run...and my cell phone was in his pocket. My text message alert rang like a son of a bitch and it scared the living hell out of him..and me. He opened my phone (not because he was invading my privacy but just cause he was so out of it) and was like "HELLO HELLO?" and than he looked at the phone and said, "ohhh. Rocky text messaged you." and you could kinda hear the saddness in his voice because he knows of Rocky. I looked at the phone and I said, "Don't worry about it." I hugged him and we laid there. I turned my shit ass phone off and listened to Jared sleep. I think it bothered him so in the morning I left him a note...it said

"Hey you! I hope you had a good run and I hope you have an awesome day at work. I fed Abby and I washed your towels cause I used most of them. I have to go to school today from 11 till 2 and than work at 5...but I'll call you on my break okay? and hey baby I want you to know that you are the only boy that I think about right now. You are the only boy that I like. I want you to know this.

Have a good rest of the day! I'll see you tonight!

Cynthia Giovanna Candida Maria Soro"

haha I had to sign that shit...my whole name. Because honestly I guess it bothers him that he thinks I'm gonna like...go back to Rocky but I don't feel that way. I did at one point say to myself..."Man if he came back to me now...I'd take him in a heartbeat" But that was my broken heart speaking to me. I like Jared. I liked him before Rocky. Jared's my boyfriend. I think I wanna stick around for a while...because I like the dude...and well he likes me. It's obvious. Like people know we're happy. It's a beautiful thing. and I hope my friends and family and whoever else can understand.

Anyway...I have to go to the registars office and than to the book store...and than Jared's. :) So...everyone have a great day and I'll update in a couple of days.

Love you!

~Cynthia.

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 00:14:18 GMT

OMG! My date...was unbelievable. I've never felt so close to a person in my life. DEAD ASS SERIOUS.

He picked me up last night and we drove all the way to his apartment which is right next to the lake. yah he lives far.

we planned on watching movies. we "watched" movies. we told eachother about past experiences with people that we loved in our lives. It was beautiful. He told me about Saudi Arabia. He cried and I wiped his tears away. I let him cry on my shoulders. I never once in my life saw a person cry and thought I was going to cry. I held my tears back because I didn't want him to see that it affected me. I wanted to be there for him...and not have it turned around on me.

We watched Boondock Saints. It's his favorite movie. We tried watching it. We saw most of it. Every once in a while he would pause the movie so that we could talk and make out and well be happy and cuddle. He paused the movie and looked at me and said, "Cynthia...Will you be my girlfriend?" I never felt so happy. I smiled probably the happiest smile I've ever smiled...and kissed his lips and said yes!

Did I go home after the movie was over like I probably should have? No. We talked more and cuddled and stared at eachother and just...talked. We went to bed together too. Now we didn't make love, but our bodies laid together in his bed. I could feel the warmth in his body and we shared our blacket and held eachother until we finally fell asleep. He, of course, fell asleep faster than I did...and for a long while I just laid there with so much happiness in my heart and all I wanted to do was hear him breathe.

The things we talked about...that's personal. DEEPLY personal. I won't mention them. But, I've never seen a more beautiful soul until last night. I know it sounds weird because I have only known Jared since June...but he has the most beautiful soul I've ever seen. Hes so beautiful. and he is officially my boyfriend. I've never been so happy to get a boyfriend.

We woke up at 10AM. We laid and talked about dumb things. We told eachother what we both did in our sleep. Haha I snore. Opps. But so does he and I told him at one point during the night he said "14 MILLION DOLLARS YEAHHH BABY!" and rolled over on top of me and had the biggest grin on his face. We laughed. We smiled. We layed there for a little while. Personally I thought I looked hideous. My hair was everywhere. I had NO make up on. I have freakin zits around my lip and chin...that he pointed out. andddd I was just butt fucking ugly. HAHA. apparently he didn't think so. He said...I shit you not..."You are so fucking beautiful..GOD you have no idea how fucking beautiful you really are do you? OMG I'm so happy to be laying here with you!" I've never had anyone say anything like that. It was amazing. I wanted to lay there forever. But we didn't lay there forever. Obviously. We got up and around. He took a shower. I tried to get as cute as I possibly could with the contents in my purse. I wore his socks and the same clothes I came to his apartment in...the same clothes I'm wearing right now. A little bit ago I told him I wanted to go to the zoo. Where did we go? Haha. The Zoo. We went and looked at animals and I watched be goofy with all of the animals...and let the rain pour down on us. Yah I let my hair get worse. I didn't care. I was with my boyfriend and I was so happy just to be with him.

and right now...I'm over analying what happened with Jared. This is the beginning...and I'm the happiest ever.

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 17:18:30 GMT

I probably won't write nothin in this thing for a while and that mainly goes back on because uh right now i don't want no one knowing nothing about my life. fuckheads. nothing. not even if im like going to disney on ice. nope. don't want to hear it. ill write in it but it wont be nothing personal or about me. bitches.

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 01:43:25 GMT

So this person...keeps putting these awful pictures up on my lj. nigga why?

ohhh shit! speaking of nigga. hahahaha did you hear about the weather guy from news 13? he got fired.

k he was doing the weather and all.....blah blah blah its gonna nice today...its not going to be tomorrow yadda yadda...and haha he said

"And on Martin Luther Koon day....it's going to be ______." hahha he got fired.

If it was Nate Tanninbaum....haha fantastic. that's not how you spell his name is it? fuck it.

Hey...I'm in a shopping kinda mood. But...I just got back from shopping. How lame. I want to go shopping. I got money to spend in this store lady. "everything in this store is very expensive." yah boo who...i'll go over to louie vuitton instead.

whoa am i glad i don't like louie vuitton...i'm perfectly happy with my fox racing bag...and my hurley bag. hahaha 10 bucks bitch.

:D

I'm out. Peace.

Have fun and all that shit.

~Cynthia.

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 15:43:52 GMT

So...you got a guy friend (ladies...sorry I'm not in it for the boobies. I got my own) and hes hot, single, and has a few good things about him...send him my way. ;) Haha I'm single but I've always been!

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 16:29:30 GMT

So basically since like late 3 o clock hour...I've been hurting from a heartbreak...and typing the same thing over and over again. Rocky has a girlfriend...blah blah blah. Yeah...long story short. Rocky has a girlfriend. I'm tired. And well...personally I'm sick of writing the story out...so I'll do it later. But um it's on my myspace blog. So...*shrugs* I'll probably cut and paste it on here later cause it's Sunday and that means it's a lazy day. So...yeah! go there if you want to hear the story...unless you just don't care? hmm oh well. It's not gonna get rid of my broken heart.

Later Duders.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 11:15:42 GMT

So...I've been feeling kinda bleh lately. Past 2 days I promise. I need someone to talk too. and the person I normally talk to about this...well she isn't answering her phone. and the other person I talk to about it...I don't think she wants to hear it...and the person it's about...I don't want to waste his time...because really he would be listening to what he probably thinks is bullshit. I don't want more bullshit in his life. So I guess I have to keep it locked in. I can't tell my big brother about it because hes against it. I can't tell Mark and Greg about it because they only want me with one cock. theirs. I can't tell Eric about it because it would break his heart. I was about to tell Ronnie about it but we got busy or something...I can't remember. Maybe I'll tell him later. and well, I'd tell my real little brother about it...but like right now hes 18 and thinks he knows everything so he would give me a lecture with words that I've never even heard of. It's not my fault I raised him when he was little...reading him Dr. Seuss. I didn't know at the time that he would be considering Harvard and Princeton and shit. I'm stuck in a rut and the only person I can tell...is myself and I hate to talk to myself. People look at me all loony. *Sighs*

This is bleh.

<3 Cynthia.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 20:30:40 GMT

I'm eating an Italian ass salad and I figured something out....

I've seen my mom like 6 times today and shes only said "Good Morning" I think she forgot it's my Birthday hahahah. Bitch was going through hell 20 years ago on this day. Jerkoff. :( and um yah I'm done bitching. :)

xEDITx

Hahaha so right after I push the update button my Mom walks in and has a big ass smile on her face...I'm like "YAY Shes gonna say Happy Birthday to me" so I throw her a cheesy ass smile. and shes like "hehehe you want me to turn this light on for you..you're sitting in the dark." Bitch lol. K that's all.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:15:56 GMT

Happy Birthday to me. :)

I'm 20. I'll act like I'm 10. Because really now if 30 is the new 20 than 20 must be the new 10. :)

andddddd

No drinking today.
No nonsense.
Just plain birthday celebration fun. :)

I've never celebrated my birthday. This could be fun yet weird. I'm ready!

:)

Happy Birthday to Cynthia.

~Cynthia.

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 10:28:19 GMT

frfom here on out you can call me by my mexicano name angel. beacner. dude i cant breathe call the 911ers. what s the number to 911? ohhhh! someone please help me. i got dicked out 5 bones just now. fuck.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 09:38:49 GMT

Heyyyy....quick question. Now I'm not no expert on the Jewish religion but I thought you weren't aloud to tattoo your body if you're Jewish. I just remember this jew child telling me this back in Highschool lol. But Britney Spears considers herself jewish now...and shes got tattoos. Ohhhh! Dumbass. :) That made my night!

No actually...I had a pretty good night. I got my mind off a lot of things by going out.

We had fun bragging about "our boyfriends" so that Angie could hear...I don't have a boyfriend but Carly insists that I do so we can piss Angie off. Lol. I don't know, but it was actually funny. so...:) k? lol.

Than we grabbed a bite to eat and Carly called me a mexican while we were eating. But only cause I told her that my name isn't Cynthia anymore and that it's Angel lmao...and her reaction....

"OKAY MEXICAN!"

hahaha it was great. So I thought of Leah. Isn't that fucked up? Haha I called her but got the voice mail...and yah I'll have to tell her about that another time. :)

and than we decided to go waste money and see a movie. :)

Meet the Fockers is awesome! Hahahahaha I loved it. :)

So I had a good night. :)

and I looked almost cute! :)

:)

But I have no idea what's going on in my real life...cause this right now just isn't real. It's weird. I'm so confused. Not my usual confused like my...Hey I'm confused and I mean it...God DAMNIT! hahaha Lameass. :(

Well...gonna go now.

Byeeee!

~Cynthia.

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 10:42:27 GMT

It's 2:30 AM and I'm not tired. Wtf for? I took pics tonight. I didn't smile though. I look like one sad monkey. Yah come to think of it...I do look monkey like in those pics. Asain nose. :( fuck. I wish I were like...super pretty or at least just plain pretty? wishing won't do me no good. I need to go see my plastic surgeon. He'll be able to help me. Only...I don't have a plastic surgeon and even if I did...I don't think my insurance would be able to cover that. Fuckhead.

I sprained my arm. Does that sound funny? It hurts like a nigger.

This year I want:

New hair. New nails. New body. New Cynthia.
Boy.
School.
Job.

I come home. Eat. Drink. Hey husband wheres my ciggarette? Don't you know I don't want none of this shit. I want my sex and I want my drink in hand and after you and I do the deed I want you gone. Dickless Prick.

Where the fuck did that come from? It's in a movie. I hope...

You know what I can't fucking stand? I'll tell you.

People that judge you because of the music you listen too. You tell them something lame like "I liked that Maroon 5 song that was just on the radio." and they come back and say something lame as fuck like, "well I don't listen to anything on the radio." So you're like hmmm. fucking weirdo. Okay, what do you listen to than nutface? "Oh you know pull my leg, pink hottie, fuckmyeye. stuff like that you know hardcore." (I doubt those are real bands)FUCK YOU! NO seriously than you say something like, "Ohhh Never heard of it." and than they're like "well, if I hear it on the radio and it gets famous I won't like it." So automatically I think to myself, "WHY?!?!?" and the broad talking says "Cause they are sell outs." Ummm...."Oh..you don't like success in your bands?" and they're like, "NOPE! IT'S SELLING OUT." Wtf. and than your like....

"Nice hair cut."
"Thanks. It's rockabilly."
"It is? You look very asain?"
"Ugh. No it's rockabilly. and that's white."
"Okay."

lol since when is hair rockabilly.

K I honestly need my haircut. So when I go to the lady am I gonna say, "Can I have the preppy hair cut?" or "the punk do" seriously. you fucks.

and whatever happened to people just being people....not giving a fuck about what music you listen too. just people talking. and when music came up in conversation they would say, "Yeah Journey is great." and that would be it kinda. FUCK!

I don't know. I'm bored. Fuck it. I'll go find something to do.

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 22:05:40 GMT

You know people are just lame. I'm sick of getting text messages. I don't think I want them anymore. I think I'm gonna call Verizon and tell him stop with the text.

It's 5 something in the AM and what happens? My text message alert goes fucking crazy like how it do.

Message. Since you hate your life so much why don't you just kill yourself? You'll save everyone air!

Number Unknown.

Hey you know something...obviously the person that sent that read one of my online jounrals and if your gonna do that...fine but don't give me shit about what i write. ITS MY JOURNAL AND I'LL WRITE WHATEVER THE FUCK I FEEL LIKE! K? DUMB BROADS! and maybe just maybe....I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself. Okay? Trust me. I've tried it before...I'm chicken shit, go ahead and make fun of me but I actually consider it a good thing as negative as this entry seems. Ir I'm gonna die I want someone else to do it for me...like a car accident or a gun or you know someone other than myself. or like dying as an old lady. not me shooting my brains out.

save your pity.

You noticed that the people you love the most in life bring the worse and the best out of you? Today it's the worse. Watch out if you know I can't stand you.

Got work to go too. My life is fun.

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 10:29:35 GMT

Oh hey you FUCK! Yah you! Fuck you. Yep. I'm pissed. Jerk. I'm not even drunk. Trust me you would know I type like a fucking moron when I'm drunk...but I'm sober right now.

FUCK YOU!

Thanks for blocking me.

This world is full of shit...just like me.

It's just me out in this world. TRUST NO ONE!

It's just me. FUCK EVERYONE ELSE. I don't need no one. Fuck em all.

However, I had fun with Carly and Hazel tonight.

Am I that bad of a person to get treated like shit? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this crap? Just fuck it. I'm sad.

Got work tomorrow and than I'm done with life. No..but I'll go to the gym.

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you!

Good fucking night.

~Cynthia.

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 10:02:54 GMT

My nose is all stuffy and yucky and ew. I'm sick today and that blows. But I'm tired. and I wrote something that took me over an hour to write...and I'm just gonna cut and paste cause...I have no time to re words it and stuff and well...it's not like you'll read it..I'm just writing it out so I can look back on it in the future...maybe when I look back on 2005. hmmm good point maybe haha..

I think I figured it out. The one thing I didn't realize this past year and years before. Um...since I have met my best friend Carly I have always said and have always told people that we are the same person. I always thought it. It was set in my mind. I just knew that the only thing that made us some how different is that we don't look alike. I thought wrong. She is so much more different than me and that's okay. I kinda like it.

She is a simple girl. She expects simple things out of life. She receives something and she thinks it's cool. She has everything exact. She has a Christmas list that she writes every year. If you don't know her well enough you really shouldn't get her anything just like you would anyone. If you don't know her...you gotta get the list or chances are...that gift you got her won't be used or won't be touched ever...and will end up in the trash. She finds love. She doesn't brag about it or tell people about what he said last night...or how special he makes her feel. She keeps to herself. She keeps to herself with all personal items close to her heart. She keeps to herself with all personal items unless they make her mad. If it's emotional and beautiful and amazing and kind...it's in her heart. Just like a lock, it is kept there forever. I never noticed that about her until about an hour ago.

I am not like that. I am not a simple girl and I don't expect simple things out of life. When I receive gifts I think they're the shit even if it's a shiny penny in my stocking. Just like a 5 year old I light up like a Christmas tree when I see a present under the tree for me. I don't like things to be perfect and I don't like things to be exact. In fact, when getting a gift I don't want them to represent me. I want them to represent me and the person I'm receiving it from and chances are if you don't know me that well and you want to get me a gift...it won't be too hard because I'm happy with everything...even nothing. You don't even really have to get me anything and I'll be just fine. It's not Christmas for the gifts. It's not your Birthday for the presents. It's not Valentines Day for the chocolate and flowers. I am not like her when it comes to Love. I can't help but tell everyone how excited I am about finding it and I keep it in my heart, but I spill my heart out too. I have a sensitive heart and when I'm hurt everyone knows and when I'm happy...everyone knows it too. I spill love often. I can't help that and I can't keep it locked into me like a bottle. In a way, I wish I could. I'd know that there wouldn't be drama and bullshit, but at the same time I feel like I have this happiness inside me and I think everyone else sees it too...and if they don't it's okay...because when I think of him I feel like the most beautiful person alive. When I'm sad and grumpy from a hard day I can think of him and have the biggest cheesiest smile on my face. I can't keep that in. How could I? I have people around me...I'm gonna tell them I'm happy just like how I'd want them to tell me their happy. I've never been happier than the moments that hes given me. Just one of those moments equals years of sadness. Not saying that I want saddness in my life.

When I have a Christmas card...I usually write something in it and if there isn't any room in it I usually slip a piece of paper in it and write a little letter. It's personal to me. It's an emotional thing..actually writing a letter. That says 1940s totally! It's not an email and it's not the phone or text messaging device...it's an actual piece of paper, a pen, and thoughts. I like that. She doesn't. Tj doesn't. That to me doesn't fit.

Cynthia: What did you write in Tj's Christmas Card.

Carly: Love you, Carly.

Cynthia: That's all? You didn't write him a letter or anything?

Carly: No, I didn't want too and he didn't want me too either.

Cynthia: Why??

Carly: Because he said if I'm gonna spill my heart to him he'd rather hear it than see it on a piece of paper.

Cynthia: Well what did you say to him?

Carly: Nothing.

Cynthia: Huh?

Carly: Nothing. I've never spilled my heart out to him.

Cynthia: Ohhh?

Carly: I tell him I love him and he tells me it back.

Okay. gotcha. See I'm not simple. I guess most people can do that...but I need reasons and stuff to why a person would love me...not just cause. That's weird. I need words. I need thoughts. I need spill out the heart moments. I can't just get happy over hearing "I love you" I need it to be weird. I need it to be said differently like in a different language or something. I need it said like umm...with emotion. Not just "Hey..I love you." I mean is he gonna ask her to marry him by saying "Hey I love you bitch. Now will you marry me?" (They have this weird thing...he calls her bitch cause its like a joke) I couldn't have that. I need complicated things in my life as weird as it sounds.

And I guess it's good that Carly and I are different. I've never noticed it until a few hours ago. And I've never really noticed it only because I didn't want too. I wanted to be Carly. I thought she was soooo cool. and she is. I love her to death. But...I'm me. I'm Cynthia. I'm strange and weird and goofy and I love almost everyone that I know. and I like that. I'm OPEN. I like being me. and this year I will be me and want to be me. That might even be my resolution. Well...and of course go to the gym more and stuff. I don't want to be anyone else anymore. That's freakin wonderful. I think...and you know? I use to think this...and like all of my ex boyfriends and past crushes feel this way...but they all think that shes more gorgeous than me. I agree. But...I'm not ugly. and Everyone has always said "Who is the ugly chick with the beautiful girl over there?" and...um I'm not ugly. I'm far from it. I'm not even an ugly person...if I were I might agree with the fuckheads that say that. It's difficult to find beauty in this world nowadays...and I never thought I really was beautiful until I heard a few Jessica Simpson songs...but tonight I found it in myself without anyone's help or lyrics. I'm not saying that Carly is ugly cause she isn't...but I don't want to be the ugly chick with her anymore...or you know anything negative. Why? Cause I'm human. I can hear people saying mean horrible things about me. And I don't want to hear them, but if I do and I will...I guess I'll just have to shrug it off.

It's really boring don't read it. It's sooo not important.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 10:08:55 GMT

Ask me what I did tonight. Come on ask me. Bitch you didn't ask okay I'll tell you. I went to the gym! Sweet huh!?!? :) NO for real though theres a new chick at the counter and she fucking carded me! hahaha I was like :( Damn the Man. Haha I had a good workout. :)

and I think something is funny about my work out but I'll keep it to myself. cause I know I'll get in trouble for saying it outloud. It's not about you.

and weirdos are at my gym. This dude was fucking crawling around...and I was on the inner thigh machine thingy and I looked at him all "WTF" ish lol...cause it was strange. Crawlings for bugs and babies get up kid.

and um They got rid of a lot of the machines I use to use. I'm pissed for that. Only because now I gotta use different machines and well now I have to find them. Lol I'll be a gym member for a year on January 8th. It was my birthday present to me.

How sad last year I went to the gym on my birthday. Ouch. That was back in the day when I had 2 hour work outs. Now it's like eh an hour if I'm feeling like working out...if not than 0 minutes. :/ stupid. I'll go to the gym more often. I noticed I'm getting way fat. and that's uncool.

and ummm...we watched The Hot Chick tonight and I laughed till my ears fell off. I don't have ears no mo. Don't call me. Oh wait you didn't do that before. Bitch. FUCKING CALL ME! Why? so I can hear my new ring tone. yep yep 311 - Down. It's tight.

and I'm hooked to my Papa Roach CD and I can't figure out why. I use to be in love with Coby Dick in highschool though. Awwe. Hes like married and I want his life.

Um...I work today. weird shift too. 3 till 9:45. Um I'm sure who ever the M.O.D is will ask me to stay later so I can crack jokes with them. Um right they just want me to clean the store up since I actually do it. that or Darin will make me do the Charge Drafts so I can say "Whoa! SWEET THIS PERSONS NAME IS YOKO MUSHINI! THAT'S GOTTA BE JAPANESE!" lol or I can say "OHHHH THAT WOULD SUCK TO BE ANNE BLUE!" haha. I'm lame. Ask Maria and Rosie the other day I was trippin on this one fool's name. It was like "Wantanbieantion Choptlewenion." No shit!?! Haha. I'm weird. Don't even ask. Oh it must be the energy I got from the gym. Blame it on the weights!

I feel like making out. Hmm. You know what I'm thankful for? I've never seen my parents make out..and that's a really good thing. I get pissed at my mom when she tells me about her sex. ew. shut up Cynthia.

Today I heard a girl from far away say..."Hey I bet she smells gross!" haha and I didn't. and it was all fun. :) I always get told I smell pretty. why? cause I'm clean. duh!

I'm so bored.

I should go play pool by myself.

My dad bought us a pool table for xmas. How rad! I suck at pool.

I got the most random phone call today. It went like this.

Cynthia: Hello?
Dude: Hello. Is this 370-2731?
Cynthia: Yes it is.
Dude: Okay great! Thank you!
CLICK!

I was like HUH????? lol He didn't even sound my age. He sounded old like my Grandpa. weird.

and hmmm Yah I'm bored.

My fingers hurt from typing too much. I can fix that though. I can make my left hand hurt when I write in my cool vintage journal! I'm stoked that I own one. :) Urban Outfitters! Woo HOO! :D

I thought about Kelley from FLA today and I don't know why. I think I should send her a card or something. Good thought. I might do so.

I go to the post office so much they know me by name. How sad. I'm a regular at the Post Office. Does that mean I'm getting old? Do I smell like an old person? lol Wait..I already declared that one.

NO one reads these things anyway. Baaaaa Humbug!

Even Julian said so.

Hes my LITTLE brother, but people don't believe me when I say that cause hes like 6'9". FUCK! I had no idea Japanese boys could be so tall...um no hes half italian..but that side of the family is short. my grandpa is like 4'9" lmao.

I'm fuckin bored.

Hey! Why don't I have pretty eyes? My dads whole side of the family has pretty eyes. Liek Hazel and Green and pretty light brown. and I get stuck with Dark Poop Brown. Ugh. It makes me sad. Fuck you ya WOP! :D

oh shit. I forgot to send out my Xmas cards. Lmao I wonder if the people will be mad that they're late? Hmm we'll find out.

ummmmmmmmmmmmm I want to take pics but I look like crap. Hello I just got back from the gym. Hellooooo!

and I noticed that people who watch the Simpsons are really smart. Why? isn't that odd ballish?

I want to own a clothing company. and a resturant. and a shop. that'd be fun.

Julian is throwing a pity party about himself and how he doesn't like things about him. Like his eyes cause they're poo poo brown too, and his skin..but whatever. We both hope that our kids have pretty eyes and nice skin too lol I guess. I wonder if I'll have kids one day. What will be their names? Will they get along with me or will they rebel like all the other ones? Hmm...I wonder what the future holds for me? Weird.

I've been wandering into space today a lot and it's stupid and I've thought of the strangest things....like reindeer exhaust and lol Big Huge Polar Bears. do they hit the little lady like guys in real life do? Do animals talk to each other and get drunk and fight? Hmmm. Can you really lose weight if you suck on a gummy bear for a whole day? I mean...can you? Richie told me you can? Hes weird. Hes getting married soon and everyone at the Gap is invited...but what do you wear to a Rock Stars wedding? Hmmm. Slutty clothes? Eh. Just for that one day okay? Do I need a date? Cause if I do...I'm fucked. :(

and if one more person tells me I have a strange but beautiful amazing spirit about myself...I'll lose it cause I feel strange being told that...it's almost uncomfortable. like 5 people have told me that this week and its only thursday.

and I'm out. I figured out what to do.

Goodnight.

~Cynthia.